a conglomorate.

i'm not sure why i feel obligated to place a sort of "disclaimer" at the forefront of every entry. i am going to stop apologizing for my productions and am going to embrace the emotions that compel me, as well as those writings that subsequently emerge. i'll be getting some fiction in here shortly, but until then these sorts of entries will act as the only internal window i offer.

however, i must say that i didn't initially intend for this blog to become so exclusively spiritual. i do not have the gift of communicating openly and comfortably about such things, but the past few days have spoke to me in an almost overwhelming manner.

"Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. (Matthew 6:8)
Then why should you ask? So that you may get to know Him."
- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

i consistently feel very specific sensations that cause me spiritual discomfort.
in my daily life, my "walk", and my wide range of human "relationships", i'm feeling uneasy.
though i'm longing for advice and guidance, wisdom and peace, my mouth fails to form the words.

it's as though
my throat remains dry, void of conviction.
my tongue is limp and undisciplined,
like an ignorant and spoiled child.

i'm waiting for these things to be given to me
for this knowledge to be gained
for the path to reveal itself
without the burden of labor
or a failed partial effort.

i seem to be comfortably numb in this poisonous realm of secular degeneration and static apathy.

i say a great deal too many things,
and though my speech isquickand
calculated
i remain tongue tied.
perpetually speechless in a
sermon filled life of fellowship, fear and witness.
oh,
i am a terrible witness.

we're taught that these things come easy,
that there is a swift and simple road to an emerald city of
spiritual reward and individual purpose.

but my road is paved without intention.

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." (Matthew 7:7)

it SHALL be so.